Battery Operated Pancreas

Just another day in the life of a diabetic…

The one where nobody showed…

on January 16, 2012

I’ve been facilitating a lot more diabetic support groups as of late, and am quite enjoying my new-found responsibility. But this past week I was torn between my fulfilling my commitment and wanting to take care of a (very sick) boyfriend at home, and just not really feeling the whole going out to facilitate a support group. I got the blessing from my boyfriend that he would be OK by himself for a few hours, so I made my way into the city. I was able to take the train that got me there with plenty of time, so I could do my “set up” routine. I enjoyed time to myself on the LIRR and  the not too incredibly crowded C and L trains. I arrived at my destination with a few blocks to walk. I was about 45 minutes early and decided to get myself a cup of coffee at Starbucks and sit a spell. The spell lasted about 25 minutes. I figured it was about time I that I crossed the street and make my way to the meeting place. I wrote out signs and hung them so people could find the room we were in on that particular evening. I was proud of myself. I wasn’t especially excited to be there, so being early and all gave me a bit of “oomph” that I needed to help me push through. I sat and waited for people to show. I was wondering who might show, as every time is kind of like a crap shoot. Sometimes a lot of people show and its a great turn out, sometimes its only a few and it’s still a great meeting. 6:00 and no one. Usually there is at least 1 or 2 others there already. That’s ok, it’s still early, no big deal. 6:10, still  no one. I thought to myself, it’s still early, right? People come a little late all the time. I remembered our “unofficial” 6:15 start time, and that put my mind at ease. I played with my phone, looking at e-mails and goofing off on Facebook, and yet, no one. I started to think no one might show. As I sat there, I thought to myself about how nice it would be to live in a world where we didn’t need a support group for diabetes anymore. Where this was a thing of the past, it made me smile, only a little though. For the people I’ve met through my disease are some of the most courageous, honest and amazing people I have ever met, and I wouldn’t want to have gone through life not having met them. But the fact of the matter was, we were not there yet. I wanted to talk with others about things. About my new CGM, about the issues I’ve been having, and listen to others and not feel so alone. I felt extremely alone. I would hear the elevator ding and hear people get off, but no one for me. I actually started feeling sad. I tested, and took out my Dexcom CGM and took a pic and posted it on Twitter. (Lame, I know!) I started getting hungry and hoped no one would show by 6:45 (that was the time I gave myself to leave if no one was there by then) and sure enough, I heard the elevator ding and heard a person walking towards the room. She looked a bit confused. I’ve never seen her before. I asked her if she was looking for the support group, she was, but for the other support group going on that evening. She was there for support for her sister who is living with diabetes. I told her how no one was showing and I was about to leave, but would be happy to listen to her. She shared her story and invited me to the other group, by this point, I was pretty hungry and dreaming of going home. Having never been to this other group, I was a bit curious and couldn’t pass up her sincere invite. I showed her where the other group meets and we walked in together. I introduced myself and explained I had a sick boyfriend at home, but that I would stay for a short while. I initially intended to stay for 15 minutes and wound up staying 30, or so. It was nice to see others, even if only for a short time. It was definitely a different group, of all different ages, types and what have you. Even though I didn’t get to see any of my “regulars” that night, it was nice to connect with other type 1’s, and not feel so alone.  It helped make the night feel like it wasn’t a total loss.:)

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